Colbert at the White House
Wow. What a tour de force. Stephen Colbert (of Comedy Central’s The Colbert Report and The Daily Show) did his bit at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this weekend. With some of his remarks he was able to swipe at both the Government and the Press Corps. The one that stands out was:
“What incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? Nothing satisfies you. Everyone asks for personnel changes, so the White House has personnel changes and everybody’s like, oh, they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. First of all, that’s a horrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.”
The man has balls. To get up in front of the most powerful people in Washington and say these kinds of things. Comedy Central, fake news and all, is becoming a beacon for the only really honest look there is at what is going on. Maybe things are so bad or so jaded now that the only way to look at it is from a comic’s eye.
Here are some highlights (the full transcript is here):
On Bush’s poll numbers: “Now I know there’s some polls out there that say this man has a 32 percent approval rating. But guys like us, we don’t pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in ‘reality.’ And ‘reality’ has a well known liberal bias.”
“Pay no attention to people who say the glass is half empty…Because 32 percent means it’s 2/3 empty. There’s still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn’t drink it. The last third is usually backwash.”
On Bush’s disaster management: “I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers, and rubble, and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message that no matter what happens to America she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo-ops in the world.”
On Bush, “the decider”: “When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday — no matter what happened Tuesday.”
On Iraq: “I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.”
On Cheney’s hunting mishap: “To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush…I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough…Somebody shoot me in the face.”
On the “fair and balanced” new network: “Fox News gives you both sides of every story — the President’s side and the Vice President’s side.”
On global warming: “[Talking to Jesse Jackson] is like boxing a glacier…Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.”
On the press corps: “You should spend more time with your families, write that novel you’ve always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know — fiction.”
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