The State of the Union ’93
(I wrote this shortly after Clinton’s State of the Union address in 1993)
OK. I didn’t watch Clinton last week when he told us all what he was going to do to us, and how far up he was going to shove it. Somehow, I forgot he was on. Maybe I haven’t quite adjusted to the California time shift yet – seeing a politician over dinner just doesn’t make for good digestion.
What I did manage to catch was the Republican reaction, and then Bob Dole a little later on – I guess he was on CNN. Wish I’d known Perot was going to be on as well, missed him entirely.
All I can say is: I hope they didn’t broadcast this crap out of the country. Because it was embarassing. The dwark doing the Republican reaction (what’s his name? “Michel”?) sounded like he was addressing a bunch of third graders. Which, given the state of our education system, may have actually been the proper approach.
But when he turned into camera #2 and spat out his “message just for you, President Clinton” – it was time to drive the porcelain bus. Yeah, Bush and Reagan left a great base to start from. Get real. That’s why IBM is laying off 40,000 instead of just 20,000. That’s why Boeing is laying off – what? – 24,000? That’s why at least a third of the jobs lost in the Northeast will never come back. Wang is gone, Prime is gone, and Lord knows who’s next to sink under the waves.
And then Dole. Hell. I was so furious by this point I just wanted to call Fed-X and send the whole lot of them a nice little plutonium surprise. I can’t remember what he said except it was the same moronic, vapid lump of puss he’s been coughing up since election day. For twelve years Ronnie and Georgie and Dannie have been telling us how bad and irresponsible the “Democratic Congress” was. So what happens when the tables turn? The Republicans stomp their feet, suck their thumbs, and do the exact same thing. People are scared and pissed off and out of work and these pompous shitbags are still playing games.
They all deserve sulphuric acid enemas. Clean out their innards to the point where they are so smooth and polished that they can actually reflect light. In fact, lets make this a public spectacle. Nail each one of the scab-riddled bastards to a phone pole along Pennsylvania Avenue and administer treatment right there on the street. With full network coverage, of course … in stereo where available. Lets see Bryant Gumbell deal with a scene like this. Have Nixon and Kissinger there as color commentators. John Madden too. “Ooooo, that’s GOTTA hurt.”
I mean, if Our Government is going to make this some sort of carnival freak show anyway, lets do it Right. If a congressman bounces too many checks, lets cut to the meat and have a nice public stoning. Sex scandals? Hell – lets video tape the act and show it on cable. What could be more damaging to one of these bloated gasbags than for the entire nation to see how (and what) they perform in the sack. Mind you, some of this film may have to be screened by the SPCA – but it’d be worth it.
“Meet the new boss, same as the old boss” … indeed.
“We won’t get fooled again” … yeah, right.
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