We’ve all seen them. The huge wall-o-text messages posted on forums and delivered to our email boxes, with precise and inane instructions on how to send $1 to the 6 people on the list, and how it’s legal, and why it works, and oh boy you can make money too!

Well enough already. Here’s a great way to make Our Government help us rid the country of this scourge of idiocy. Next time you get a chain letter email, or see a chain-letter post in a forum or newsgroup, rather than delete it (and certainly rather that sending these pukes any money), follow the instructions below carefully:

You will need the following items:

• 6 standard envelopes (assuming the “chain” is 6 people deep, adjust accordingly).
• 6 sheets of paper and some kind of printer
• 1 pair of rubber gloves
• Stamps (with the built-in adhessive)
• Some baby powder or powdered sugar

Now do the following:

• Put on rubber gloves before handling any of the items
• Print out the chain letter that you received
• Address an envelope to the postmaster of the town of the person who sent it to you. I mean, if he’s dumb enough to expose his home address when making an a$$ of himself, he deserves it, right?)
• Put the copy of the printed chain letter in the envelope, seal and stamp it. Oh, and no return address on this.
• Now print out 5 plain pages with nothing but the words “Allah Akhbar” or any kind of stereotypical anti-American quasi-terrorist drivel on it. Make it short and to the point, though.
• Address the 5 other envelopes to the other 5 people on the chain letter – the ones who were the chain to the scumwaffle who was dumb enough to send it to you. Make the return address that of the person who sent you the chain letter.
• Now take each of the pages you printed up, fold them in thirds to fit the envelope, and sprinkle in some of the powdered sugar or baby powder. Make sure it’s enough to be noticable – by either a mail carrier or at least by the person who finally gets it.
• Mail all 6 envelopes from a public mailbox.

If all goes well, the postal inspector will be investigating the jerk who sent you the chain letter either for illegal activities or possible terrorist acts. And the other 5 people in the chain will maybe have a nice shock when they open an envelope and all that white powder dribbles out. Ho ho. Maybe they’ll file a report with Homeland Security. It would be The Right Thing To Do.

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